When Life Brings You To Your Knees

So often we walk through life ignoring signs that the universe throws our way. Then there are moments where you fail to listen and the universe gets a little hostile.  That’s when life knocks you on your butt giving you no other option but to pay attention. That very thing happened to me today and I am still feeling some type of way about it.

Two days ago I was in the office at the dojo (the martial arts studio my kids attend) when Sifu Alex very casually brought up the fact that they were starting a personal training promotion. I didn’t give much thought to it, but yesterday when I went into the office to take care of some business she brought it up again. I told her I would look at my budget and see but I was pretty sure that it was outside of my reach financially. Leaving her office I had no intention of signing up for training, I just did not know how to break it to her.

Today, I dropped my kids off at school and was running errands when the worst possible thing that could happen to someone of my size happened. It had been raining for two days, which is a phenomenon in L.A. as it is, and every surface you could touch was wet and slick.  I parked on one of the busiest streets in Inglewood, I stepped onto the grass right outside of my car, and slipped and fell. This wasn’t just any fall…this was a rump in the air, covered in mud, everyone starring not knowing what to do kind of fall. Two very nice gentlemen came to try to assist me in getting up. Unfortunately, I did not trust their strength or mine. Thankfully I had a bench in my trunk that I was able to used to push myself up with. At one point I recall someone asking if I needed EMS to come and help me get up. That was the moment I knew I had gone way too far with the neglect of my physical health and I needed to do something fast. So last night I called Sifu Alex and told her to sign me up for training. I do not have the extra money lying around but I will have to figure out a way.

I will be honest, I am scared out of my mind. I have trained before and I know that the beginning of the process sucks. Every time I think about starting I think about the pain, the embarrassment, and the fear of failing once again. When I start letting that fear creep in I have to I stop myself and I think about the fall, how bad it could have been. I have to remind myself of my family and friends that did not have the choice to fix their health and live for their children. So January 11th I re-start my journey. This time I am focusing on making it one day at a time. I do not have a weight goal but rather a lifestyle goal. I am scared to start but I am even more scared not to.